Hey everyone. I haven't written in almost a week and some interesting things have happened, so I decided to write quick and update.
Nate and I have gotten a little better I suppose. We've been talking more civilly to each other, with the exception of Sunday night. Sunday we went to the WWE pay-per-view at The Bar here in town, which we do every time. Anyway, during the pre-show M texted me, and Nate freaked out. He had just told me that he would stop freaking out about my communication with M, but apparently he forgot about that. Although my brother ripped him a new one about being mature Nate got his check, paid it, and stormed out.
I tried my best to enjoy the show and have fun with my friends, but of course it still bothered me. Eric informed me that Nate had called him and was in the midst of packing a bag and going over to stay at his parents'. Nate ignored a few texts of mine, then finally got back to me and told me that he was going to continue paying and everything but was going to stay at his parents' until our lease was up.
This gave me mixed feelings. I didn't feel right about him leaving the house, because it is his too, but I figured that this may be for the best. It's very hard for anything to get adequately figured out when we're living together, and I understand that it's hard for him to live with me when we're not together. To tell you the truth it's not all that easy for me either sometimes. I think he thinks I'm such a terrible person that doesn't give a crap about him and is just trying to get rid of him at the first turn, but that's obviously not true. I'm not a monster, I do have feelings. It's not easy for me to forget about so much that has happened, and of course I still love him. He's been my best friend for almost four years, and we shared a lot of good times too. But this is the way it has to be because neither of us was happy the way things were. Last night we also had a really good talk...for once there was no yelling, no accusing, no tears. I really like when that happens, those are the times that I feel good being around him and I feel like we can always be there for each other. He's such a good person, I just want him to be happy. But, of course, I need to be happy too.
It makes me sick thinking that I could be moving again in two months. I love this place so much, I would much rather just find a roommate to fill the other room and pay the other half of the bills and stay put. I love it, the cats love it, it's a great neighborhood...sigh. This really sucks. The emotional shit is bad enough, the economic and inconvenient shit is just the icing on top of a really stale and gross cake.
The only bright spot in all this is M. Most of the time we have such great conversations, and no matter how my day goes it seems like he can always make me feel pretty good. Isn't it weird how things like that go? I'm still not sure how he feels about me half the time, which makes me unsure of how I feel about him. Okay, so usually I'm pretty sure I guess, but it still makes me hold back. Some nights, like Sunday, he is all flattery, and flirtation, and refuses to get off the phone no matter how many times I tell him he needs to get some sleep. Those are the times that I feel good about how things are going. I mean, I enjoy talking to him no matter what because we have such a good rapport, but things like that just make it even sweeter. Other days, though, like today, he's a little more reserved with sweetness and a little more liberal with...brashness? There's nothing wrong with that, of course, but then he sometimes says things that make me wonder how he really does feel. The distance is also a problem, obviously. There is just so much to think about lately that I almost feel like my head could explode.
Sleep should fix that...right?
I'm attaching one of my favorite pics as of late...my little niece in her cute dress with a balloon in her belly. lol So adorable.
No comments:
Post a Comment