Hello everyone. As I write this I'm laying in bed with my laptop, watching Monday Night Football with peppermint candles burning. Pretty good stuff. I have off tomorrow, which is awesome, but I'm still not all that happy. Yesterday was rough, because of work, and today I really miss Jay.
It sucks being so far away from each other. It's just not normal, being around a person every single minute for five days in a row, and then not seeing them at all for a month or more. It's just not the best way to maintain a relationship.
We were talking yesterday about him moving, and he proposed the idea of finishing out his school YEAR down there at UNT and then moving up here after that in May. To be honest, that suggestion brought me to tears. Although it might be the easiest in some respects, it would be the hardest in others. We both go on and on about how agonizing it is to be away from each other, it would be even more horrible to do it for six more months. I don't want to even think about that, let alone do it. I want him here. I feel like we're wasting time being away from each other when that's all we want. Jay and I know better than a lot of people that life is short and you should make as much of it as you can, and being together would be making the most of it. I want to be happy, and I'm happiest when I'm with him. It just makes sense. Everyone loves him, he loves it here, he's not too fond of Texas, and he doesn't have all that much holding him there. In fact, he told me last night that before his dad passed away, he was planning on moving up to South Dakota anyway.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, at least a little bit. I know things will work out with him, I know this is different than any other relationship has ever been, but in light of what I have gone through, I'm still a little scared. But hell, so is he. I think it would be a worse sign if we WEREN'T scared, because we wouldn't be being realistic. Trust me, I have looked as hard as I can for red flags, for strange, scary quirks, for ANYTHING that would unsettle me about him. There isn't anything. Not ONE thing. I've known him for over three years, he's been here twice and I've been there once, and nothing has rubbed me the wrong way or gotten me suspicious or apprehensive. My family and friends really like him, the cats like him, and of course, I love him to death. He's funny and smart and adorable and thoughtful and respectful and loving and wonderful. He's really just the most amazing person, and he's absolutely perfect for me. We're perfect for each other.
Now can you see why I just want him HERE?
Monday, November 29, 2010
Sunday, November 21, 2010
...I do know, where you go, is where I wanna be...
Hey everyone. Not feeling the best right now. I got back about two hours ago from dropping Jay off at the airport so he could catch his plane back to Dallas. I hate those times. Right now I'm back at home, laying in bed, feeling pretty numb. I know tonight though, when I try to go to sleep and he's not here, it's going to hit me and I'll get upset.
Things are so natural when he's here. It feels like home. Well, of course, it IS home, but you know what I mean. He fits in so nicely with everything and everyone here, much more nicely than anyone else I have dated. And more importantly, he and I get along incredibly well. There are no weird things, weird quirks that have popped up, like that asshole Matt had. I mean, there are weird things with Jay, like the fact that he'll randomly start to beatbox, or talk in a strange accent, but those are all perfect, because I do things like that too! We also see eye-to-eye on everything political, religious, and all that jazz. It's awesome. On the way to the airport, even though it was a somber trip, we just talked and talked about anything and everything. It's so easy to be around him. He's such a wonderful, caring, thoughtful person, and he treats me like gold. He's amazing. I just wish he could get up here to live ASAP. With school it's difficult, transferring and such, but it feels like we're wasting so much time that we could be spending together. I guess it's probably because of my past, but I'm so afraid that something is going to go wrong, something environmental or random or stupid, that will ruin everything. As I write that, though, I am getting word that he has landed safely in Dallas, so that is one big sigh of relief. I'm hoping he can make another trip here for Christmas. Right now it's more feasible that he come here during a break from school, considering he doesn't also have a job to worry about, and it's hard for me to get away for long periods of time, especially during this time of year. Luckily he loves it here, or seems to, and he fits in so well with my friends and family. I can't emphasize that enough, that's so important to me. Matt was so incredibly awkward to be around, my family and friends bristled at that and at him because he was just so strange, and it's nice that Jay just seems to blend right in like he's been there forever.
Bo sat on his lap today. I know that's a little thing, but Bo very very rarely sits on anybody's lap (except Mommy's, of course.) It was just another little something that was cute, that my babies, especially the skiddish one, loves him too. And he loves them, he's so sweet, talks to them and pets them and doesn't even care about the cat hair. It's awesome.
i just want him here so we can get our life going, together. It sucks that he's so far away. I don't want him to uproot his life, but it's very easy for us to fly there to visit, and to fly his friends up for a visit as well. In this day in age, it's pretty easy to conduct friendships long-distance. Relationship, not so much. I mean, Jason and I do as good of a job as anyone can, I think, but they're still no walk in the park. Something like him leaving stays with me for a long long time, and I'll be upset and clingy and such probably for the next five days. After that it dulls a little, of course, but I would feel a lot better if we started making plans, plans for another visit, plans for a move, something. I just need something.
I think I'll lay in bed, watch trashy TV, and eat Krispy Kremes.
I'll update again soon.
Things are so natural when he's here. It feels like home. Well, of course, it IS home, but you know what I mean. He fits in so nicely with everything and everyone here, much more nicely than anyone else I have dated. And more importantly, he and I get along incredibly well. There are no weird things, weird quirks that have popped up, like that asshole Matt had. I mean, there are weird things with Jay, like the fact that he'll randomly start to beatbox, or talk in a strange accent, but those are all perfect, because I do things like that too! We also see eye-to-eye on everything political, religious, and all that jazz. It's awesome. On the way to the airport, even though it was a somber trip, we just talked and talked about anything and everything. It's so easy to be around him. He's such a wonderful, caring, thoughtful person, and he treats me like gold. He's amazing. I just wish he could get up here to live ASAP. With school it's difficult, transferring and such, but it feels like we're wasting so much time that we could be spending together. I guess it's probably because of my past, but I'm so afraid that something is going to go wrong, something environmental or random or stupid, that will ruin everything. As I write that, though, I am getting word that he has landed safely in Dallas, so that is one big sigh of relief. I'm hoping he can make another trip here for Christmas. Right now it's more feasible that he come here during a break from school, considering he doesn't also have a job to worry about, and it's hard for me to get away for long periods of time, especially during this time of year. Luckily he loves it here, or seems to, and he fits in so well with my friends and family. I can't emphasize that enough, that's so important to me. Matt was so incredibly awkward to be around, my family and friends bristled at that and at him because he was just so strange, and it's nice that Jay just seems to blend right in like he's been there forever.
Bo sat on his lap today. I know that's a little thing, but Bo very very rarely sits on anybody's lap (except Mommy's, of course.) It was just another little something that was cute, that my babies, especially the skiddish one, loves him too. And he loves them, he's so sweet, talks to them and pets them and doesn't even care about the cat hair. It's awesome.
i just want him here so we can get our life going, together. It sucks that he's so far away. I don't want him to uproot his life, but it's very easy for us to fly there to visit, and to fly his friends up for a visit as well. In this day in age, it's pretty easy to conduct friendships long-distance. Relationship, not so much. I mean, Jason and I do as good of a job as anyone can, I think, but they're still no walk in the park. Something like him leaving stays with me for a long long time, and I'll be upset and clingy and such probably for the next five days. After that it dulls a little, of course, but I would feel a lot better if we started making plans, plans for another visit, plans for a move, something. I just need something.
I think I'll lay in bed, watch trashy TV, and eat Krispy Kremes.
I'll update again soon.
Sunday, November 14, 2010
...it's been months!!!
It's been FOREVER since I've blogged!! I apologize, I'm going to try to do it more. Work and school have just been busy, but I'm definitely going to write more often.
I'm still doing well, sickness-wise, which is amazing, not only because of how well I feel, but because of the fact that there is still no guesses as to what happened to make me so sick. It's officially been declared that it's not Wegener's Disease, it's nothing auto-immune, and I just had bloodwork done and it's all perfect. Whatever I had that almost killed me three different times left no residual effects, and I've been off of medication alltogether for 45 days and counting.
Right now, life is great. I have two classes this semester, one is advanced fiction, and I'm loving it. I'm getting some really good stuff written, even a story about the night I was abused (slightly fictionalized, of course.) Besides that, though, I really don't think about that or Matt Harris very much. I haven't heard anything from him or about him in a very long time, and I'm more than happy to keep it that way.
Jason and I are doing very well. He came here to visit in September, and we got along great, and the family and my friends loved him. I went down to Texas in October to spend some time with him there and meet his friends, and that visit went very well also. As I write this, in three days, he's taking another trip up here, and I can't wait. It's so hard being apart, and that is really the only 'problem' in our relationship. The tiny conflicts (if you can even call them that) we have are all distance-related, as in not having enough time to talk, or other plans cutting into our phone time, etc, etc. Other than that, everything has been fabulous. We're working on him being able to move up here to live soon, and I'm hoping those plans fall into place sooner than later. Being apart gets harder and harder everytime we have another visit. We get a taste of how being together is, we're around each other nonstop for days in a row, and we love it, then we're ripped apart again. It's so difficult. I have to say, though, we're handling it so well. As hard as it is, we're both trying our hardest to maintain our wonderful communication, and I think we're doing it well, and it really doesn't seem that hard. I think it's because our relationship is so easy and natural that we can handle anything. :)
What else is good...GREEN BAY PACKERS!! lol It's important to mention that we are now 6-3 and at the top of our division. What's even better is that poor little Brett Favre is 3-6 and we already beat them once...we play them again next week when Jay is here, and he can fully experience a Packer Sunday, and against the Vikings especially! Last time he was here he went home on Sunday and the Pack happened to have a Monday night game. So I'm really excited to be able to watch a game with him. :) I'm excited to do everything with him!!
I will write more, I promise, but there's a little update for everyone!! <3
I'm still doing well, sickness-wise, which is amazing, not only because of how well I feel, but because of the fact that there is still no guesses as to what happened to make me so sick. It's officially been declared that it's not Wegener's Disease, it's nothing auto-immune, and I just had bloodwork done and it's all perfect. Whatever I had that almost killed me three different times left no residual effects, and I've been off of medication alltogether for 45 days and counting.
Right now, life is great. I have two classes this semester, one is advanced fiction, and I'm loving it. I'm getting some really good stuff written, even a story about the night I was abused (slightly fictionalized, of course.) Besides that, though, I really don't think about that or Matt Harris very much. I haven't heard anything from him or about him in a very long time, and I'm more than happy to keep it that way.
Jason and I are doing very well. He came here to visit in September, and we got along great, and the family and my friends loved him. I went down to Texas in October to spend some time with him there and meet his friends, and that visit went very well also. As I write this, in three days, he's taking another trip up here, and I can't wait. It's so hard being apart, and that is really the only 'problem' in our relationship. The tiny conflicts (if you can even call them that) we have are all distance-related, as in not having enough time to talk, or other plans cutting into our phone time, etc, etc. Other than that, everything has been fabulous. We're working on him being able to move up here to live soon, and I'm hoping those plans fall into place sooner than later. Being apart gets harder and harder everytime we have another visit. We get a taste of how being together is, we're around each other nonstop for days in a row, and we love it, then we're ripped apart again. It's so difficult. I have to say, though, we're handling it so well. As hard as it is, we're both trying our hardest to maintain our wonderful communication, and I think we're doing it well, and it really doesn't seem that hard. I think it's because our relationship is so easy and natural that we can handle anything. :)
What else is good...GREEN BAY PACKERS!! lol It's important to mention that we are now 6-3 and at the top of our division. What's even better is that poor little Brett Favre is 3-6 and we already beat them once...we play them again next week when Jay is here, and he can fully experience a Packer Sunday, and against the Vikings especially! Last time he was here he went home on Sunday and the Pack happened to have a Monday night game. So I'm really excited to be able to watch a game with him. :) I'm excited to do everything with him!!
I will write more, I promise, but there's a little update for everyone!! <3
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
