Sometimes I get scared. You know the saying, "If something seems too good to be true, it probably is"? Well, that's what plays in my head sometimes in negative moments, especially when we're apart.
This relationship is going so well. And don't get me wrong, it is. Nothing bad has happened. But I just worry. I know it's normal, but I'm scared that something stupid is going to happen to derail this. Even something I can't control, like an accident or a natural disaster that will hurt one of us or do something to cause us to be apart for longer. I can't help it. We get along so well, we love each other so much, my cynical personality is just WAITING for something to go wrong.
He's supposed to move here in May, and he hasn't told his friends or family yet. That bothered me. Makes it seem not real, like it's not going to happen. I understand that he's nervous. It's a big move, it's basically moving his whole life, but he always seemed eager about doing it and said how much he always loved being up here. I know he wants to be with me, but when he talks about his fears or concerns and when I find out he didn't tell the people in Texas that he's moving, it makes me think it's not going to happen, and I start an argument. It's not fair of me, but I also can't help the way it makes me feel and how scared it makes me. This is the person I want to marry, the person I want to have a family with, and thinking about us not being together scares the hell out of me. I just want him to move here in May and I want us to start our life together. I know he wants to come here, and it's normal for him to be a bit scared by that, and I should let him and comfort him. Tonight, I totally did NOT do that. Instead I got upset and cried and demanded he comfort me. That wasn't the best idea, and I feel bad about it now. I know he's a great guy, he's the BEST guy in the world. I want him to be happy, and dammit, I REALLY hope that being with me is what makes him happy.
Just needed to write a bit to get stuff out. Thanks for reading, the very very few of you that continue to do so.
<3
Friday, January 14, 2011
Wednesday, January 12, 2011
Quick update...
It's been over a month since I've written...I'm sorry!! I said I would try to update this more often, but obviously I've sucked at fulfilling that promise.
Well, it's 2011 already...crazy! Christmas was wonderful, because Jay was here from Christmas Eve all the way up until Jan 5th. This was the longest visit ever, and definitely the best. They just keep getting better and better.
This time, we went to campus to talk to someone about him transferring up here. According to them it doesn't sound like it would be a problem, but he will have to wait until May to do so. That sucks, but I know that it's best. Not only will he be able to finish out his year, but summer will give us much more time to get him moved and get settled in than the winter break would have. So, in May, the plan is for him to move up here and attend school here next fall.
That being said, I simply cannot wait until May. I am so excited for him to move here and so stressed out that he's not here now. Things are still wonderful between us, but I find myself getting more and more lonely for him and missing him more every time we have a visit. I guess that's a good thing. When Matt and I had our visits, I kept wanting to leave earlier and earlier each time I saw him. This time, when I had to let Jay go on the 5th, I was basically inconsolable the entire day. I couldn't help it, thinking about going home to a house that didn't have him in it just filled me with dread. I honestly just want to start our lives together as soon as possible. I didn't think I would ever meet someone this perfect for me, and have a relationship this amazing, but now that I have, I just want to be with him. Being apart so much just feels like an enormous waste of time.
Everything else is going well. I may graduate in May (yay!!!) and work is, well...work. Everyone else is doing well, including the kitties, and my health is still good.
Not sure what else I know...I'll try to write more!!
Well, it's 2011 already...crazy! Christmas was wonderful, because Jay was here from Christmas Eve all the way up until Jan 5th. This was the longest visit ever, and definitely the best. They just keep getting better and better.
This time, we went to campus to talk to someone about him transferring up here. According to them it doesn't sound like it would be a problem, but he will have to wait until May to do so. That sucks, but I know that it's best. Not only will he be able to finish out his year, but summer will give us much more time to get him moved and get settled in than the winter break would have. So, in May, the plan is for him to move up here and attend school here next fall.
That being said, I simply cannot wait until May. I am so excited for him to move here and so stressed out that he's not here now. Things are still wonderful between us, but I find myself getting more and more lonely for him and missing him more every time we have a visit. I guess that's a good thing. When Matt and I had our visits, I kept wanting to leave earlier and earlier each time I saw him. This time, when I had to let Jay go on the 5th, I was basically inconsolable the entire day. I couldn't help it, thinking about going home to a house that didn't have him in it just filled me with dread. I honestly just want to start our lives together as soon as possible. I didn't think I would ever meet someone this perfect for me, and have a relationship this amazing, but now that I have, I just want to be with him. Being apart so much just feels like an enormous waste of time.
Everything else is going well. I may graduate in May (yay!!!) and work is, well...work. Everyone else is doing well, including the kitties, and my health is still good.
Not sure what else I know...I'll try to write more!!
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