...some reflections...

Sometimes I get scared. You know the saying, "If something seems too good to be true, it probably is"? Well, that's what plays in my head sometimes in negative moments, especially when we're apart.

This relationship is going so well. And don't get me wrong, it is. Nothing bad has happened. But I just worry. I know it's normal, but I'm scared that something stupid is going to happen to derail this. Even something I can't control, like an accident or a natural disaster that will hurt one of us or do something to cause us to be apart for longer. I can't help it. We get along so well, we love each other so much, my cynical personality is just WAITING for something to go wrong.

He's supposed to move here in May, and he hasn't told his friends or family yet. That bothered me. Makes it seem not real, like it's not going to happen. I understand that he's nervous. It's a big move, it's basically moving his whole life, but he always seemed eager about doing it and said how much he always loved being up here. I know he wants to be with me, but when he talks about his fears or concerns and when I find out he didn't tell the people in Texas that he's moving, it makes me think it's not going to happen, and I start an argument. It's not fair of me, but I also can't help the way it makes me feel and how scared it makes me. This is the person I want to marry, the person I want to have a family with, and thinking about us not being together scares the hell out of me. I just want him to move here in May and I want us to start our life together. I know he wants to come here, and it's normal for him to be a bit scared by that, and I should let him and comfort him. Tonight, I totally did NOT do that. Instead I got upset and cried and demanded he comfort me. That wasn't the best idea, and I feel bad about it now. I know he's a great guy, he's the BEST guy in the world. I want him to be happy, and dammit, I REALLY hope that being with me is what makes him happy.

Just needed to write a bit to get stuff out. Thanks for reading, the very very few of you that continue to do so.

<3